In
honor of Leonhard Euler’s 306th birthday, I have decided to only speak
of math in a comedic sense. I think a couple of the prime factors for
why I dislike math might be because I cannot function in that domain, and
because I have a low tolerance for drama. Everyone has more problems
than they can rationally handle. It really takes a number on you if you
don’t crack a joke once in a while. (Okay, I’m done)
First off, here are some math puns from punoftheday.com:
1. Some mathematicians are reluctant to cosine a loan.
2. I was kicked out of math class for one too many infractions.
3. A mathematician that couldn’t stop adding up recently went incremental.
4. I used to hate maths but then I realised decimals have a point.
5. I didn’t understand the math, so the teacher summed it up for me.
6. What do organic mathematicians throw into their fireplaces? Natural Logs.
7.
In high school I recall having a beautiful but difficult math teacher.
She was easy on the eyes and hard on the pupils!
8. Mathematicians are sum worshippers.
9. I strongly dislike the subject of math, however I am partial to fractions.
10. You know what happens after you miss math class? It starts adding up.
11. I’ve failed the mathematics test so many times I lost count.
12. The mathematician worked at home because he only functioned in his domain.
13. The math teacher was a good dancer – he had algorithm.
14. I just finished reading Newton’s Principia Mathematica, and found much of it to be rather derivative.
15. I’m bad at math, so the equation 2n+2n is 4n to me.
16. The best place for a mathematician is behind a counter.
17. The mathematician did not practice safe six and ended up with a binarial disease.
18. Math class is full of drama. There are so many problems to work out.
19. The arrogant math teacher finally ate a slice of humble pi.
20. The top maths student’s blood type was A+.
21. The inept mathematician couldn’t count on his friends.
22. The math teacher was hungry, but all she had to eat was a piece of pi.
23. The first order of priority in hiring math majors is get them to sine on the dotted line
24. I met a math professor who has 12 children – she really knows how to multiply.
25. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
26. We’ll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.
27. Old math professors never die, they just reduce their functions.
28. He became a math teacher due to some prime factors.
29. A lawyer was defending a math teacher. He had to sum up.
30. On the shelf there are ten math books, five geography books, and the rest is history.
31. The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.
32. Old math teachers never die, they just become irrational.
33. The math professor liked even numbers, but only the odd one.
34. Two mathematicians arguing about even numbers were at odds.
35. With negative numbers, some math students become nonplussed.
36. A mountain climbing math teacher found an adder at the sum-mit.
37. Old math profs never die, they just can’t differentiate.
38. He wears glasses during math because it improves division.
39. The math teacher was an exponent of his own powers.
40. His qualifications as a math teacher didn’t add up.
41. Old math profs never die — they just use strange expressions.
42. Mathematics teachers call retirement ‘the aftermath’.
43. Young women who are mathematics professors closely watch their figures.
44. A math professor in an unheated room is cold and calculating.
45. Math teachers have lots of problems.
46. Some mathematicians are on the negative side while others are quite positive.
47. A mathematician who was also a horticulturist was interested in prime roots square roots and trees in general.
Moreover, I found this physics joke to be quite entertaining:
One
day, all of the world’s famous physicists decided to get together for a
tea luncheon. Fortunately, the doorman was a grad student, and able to
observe some of the guests…
Everyone gravitated toward Newton, but he just kept moving around at a constant velocity and showed no reaction.
Einstein thought it was a relatively good time.
Coulomb got a real charge out of the whole thing.
Cavendish wasn’t invited, but he had the balls to show up anyway.
Cauchy, being the only mathematician there, still managed to integrate well with everyone.
Thompson enjoyed the plum pudding.
Pauli came late, but was mostly excluded from things, so he split.
Pascal was under too much pressure to enjoy himself.
Ohm spent most of the time resisting Ampere’s opinions on current events.
Hamilton went to the buffet tables exactly once.
Volt thought the social had a lot of potential.
Hilbert was pretty spaced out for most of it.
Heisenberg may or may not have been there.
The Curies were there and just glowed the whole time.
van der Waals forced himeself to mingle.
Wien radiated a colourful personality.
Millikan dropped his Italian oil dressing.
de Broglie mostly just stood in the corner and waved.
Hollerith liked the hole idea.
Stefan and Boltzman got into some hot debates.
Everyone was attracted to Tesla’s magnetic personality.
Compton was a little scatter-brained at times.
Bohr ate too much and got atomic ache.
Watt turned out to be a powerful speaker.
Hertz went back to the buffet table several times a minute.
Faraday had quite a capacity for food.
Oppenheimer got bombed.
As well as:
Q: I am the beginning of eternity, the end of time and space, the beginning of every end, and the end of every place. What am I?
A: 2.718281828459… (e)
One more….
Psychologists
subject an engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician to an experiment:
Each of them is locked in a room for a day – hungry, with a can of
food, but without an opener; all they have is pencil and paper.
At the end of the day, the psychologists open the engineer’s room first.
Pencil and paper are unused, but the walls of the room are covered with
dents. The engineer is sitting on the floor and eating from the open
can: He threw it against the walls until it cracked open.
The physicist is next. The paper is covered with formulas, there is one
dent in the wall, and the physicist is eating, too: He calculated how
exactly to throw the can against the wall, so that it would crack open.
When the psychologists open the mathematician’s room, the paper is also
full of formulas, the can is still closed, and the mathematician has
disappeared. But there are strange noises coming from inside the can…
Someone gets an opener and opens the can. The mathematician crawls out. “Crap! I got a sign wrong…”
Alright, that’s enough pun for now.
Have a lovely evening!
-Jordan
